Down Days

Everyone is healthy.

The weather is beautiful.

Yet i am in a funk.

i have said to everyone throughout this job search...
"i don't get too high. i don't get too low. i just keep at it."

It's a lie.

i am very low right now.
Having a hard time pulling myself up.

i will be spending some time with my brother and his family this weekend.

Maybe that will bring a smile to not only my face, but to my soul.

i need to feel that.

Being down sucks.
Being on the cusp and looking down into a pit of depression really sucks.

Know what doesn't suck...a pit of puppies.
i can't wait until i pull up and the pit of depression turns into a pit of puppies.

Tears

i am not in a good way today.

i thought i was, despite the gray weather i was in a pretty good place
Mentally, emotionally.

Now.
i can't seem to stop crying.
And i fucking HATE to cry.

i got a text from someone, who is one of the bright lights in my life.
If i had brothers or sisters, she would be my niece.
Her Dad is the closest thing i have to a brother, to family other then my parents.
Her text made me see and feel like i don't mean as much to her and her family that they do to me.

Hence the tears.
The hurt that i just can't make go away.

Worse yet.
i have no one to talk to.

D is at work.
M is in the wind, again. (getting frustrated with him, another post)

So, on top of the hurt, i feel lonely.

Great. Sob, sad pity party.
Fuck. i hate that.

Tragic passing

SOB

My beloved kindle.
He passed away yesterday.
i did all i could do.
Looked on every site.
Every possible remedy.
Every possible fix.

i tried them all.
To no avail.

Two and a half years, doesn't seem like long enough.
Daily contact.
Loosing myself in history, kink, adventure, fantasy.
Finding unknown authors.
Books i wouldn't have found or read otherwise.

It is a sad, sad day for me.
Sure, i can just order another one.
i will.
A kindle is an indispensable item for me.

Just not yet.
It's too soon.

In lieu of flowers or cards...Please, read a book.

A Decade

It really doesn't feel that long.

God Bless America.
God Bless our service men and woman.
God Bless and keep the souls lost this day 10 years ago.
Thought about and missed every day.
There is a hole in my heart, a hole in my skyline.
To all brave souls, their families...Thank you and God Bless you all.
9/11 NEVER FORGET.