All's Quiet On This Front

A whole lot of nothing.

Sigh.

In a way, it's good.
Gives me time to reflect, take stock, plan.

What do I want.
What do I need.

I wish I had the answers.

In the meantime...
My mourning period has ended.

My sweet kindle.

His brother kindle, KT (kindle touch) is here.
I don't know what to make of it just yet.
If I'm comfortable with it.

I am taking my time to make sure.
As I am with S. Taking my time to make sure.

Tragic passing

SOB

My beloved kindle.
He passed away yesterday.
i did all i could do.
Looked on every site.
Every possible remedy.
Every possible fix.

i tried them all.
To no avail.

Two and a half years, doesn't seem like long enough.
Daily contact.
Loosing myself in history, kink, adventure, fantasy.
Finding unknown authors.
Books i wouldn't have found or read otherwise.

It is a sad, sad day for me.
Sure, i can just order another one.
i will.
A kindle is an indispensable item for me.

Just not yet.
It's too soon.

In lieu of flowers or cards...Please, read a book.

Frustrated

With the job hunt.
With S.
With everything.

i feel scattered in so many direction.
No focus.
No light at the end of the tunnel.

Wow.
i am a Debbie downer right now.

i hate that.

Choice

my beliefs are many and diverse.
i take from many trains of thought.
Many aspects that to some may seem to butt heads instead of agree.

i believe in God.
Yet i don't go to church.
i don't want someone to preach at me.
i read the Bible.
i am a Conservative...although lately researching libertarians and their beliefs.

i say this and you may see someone who is anti abortion.
Anti birth control.

Do not paint me with the right side of your brush.

i am not pro choice.
i am not anti abortion.

Confused?

Here is my stance.

GET OUT OF MY WOMB.

These issues do not belong in laws, lectured by old men and woman who only say these things to court one side of a voting block or another.

These are medical, personal issues.

Would i choose to have an abortion?
i have never been in the position.
Typing right now, i would say it would not be my choice.
But i DO NOT begrudge any other woman, man, family facing that question their right to have that as an option.

As for birth control.
Sigh.
Why does it need to be in a law?
Look in your insurance policy.
i did.
i am not going to depend on my employer whether they have to provide something or not.
And honestly?
i don't want to go to my boss, company and have them know whether i am on the pill or not.
And for full honesty again, i am not.
i choose not to add further chemicals into my body.
Again. my choice.
(The thought of a bowl of condoms in the break room makes me giggle)

So.
In this day and age, where we will NEVER see both sides of the street, let people have their own opinions without degrading or shouting them down because they are different...this is where i stand...

I stand for Me.
My health.
My well being.
In my hands.
I would never tell another person what is best or right for them to do.
So, please, don't tell me.

And for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY...
GET OUT OF MY WOMB.

V-Day

Happy Valentine's Day.

Whichever you celebrate.
However you celebrate.
As a single or as a couple.

me?

i choose to celebrate with chocolate and the Westminster Dog Show.
Go Golden Retriever!!!

Damn. He didn't get picked out of his group.

Damn. Damn.

Team Dalmatian then.

xoxoxoxox

New Start?

Well, S knows about the other men.
i told him.
He was taking me for granted and i let him in that there are men who want more with me.
Me.
Yea, i'm blown away by that.
Anyway.
He needs to stop being uncommunicative, dismissive.
That's not him. And i wanted to know why he felt he could treat me that way.
Yes. i'm submissive. Sexually. i won't tolerate being treated like he has been.
Was it an ultimatum.
No.
i don't do them.
i said my peace.
i like him.
Want to see where W/we can go.
The other guys are friends.
Waiting for him to fail.
Waiting for me to come to my senses?
i still have faith in S.
i have seen his heart, his humor...i like what i've seen.
i just need consistency.
If not...well...

Cast Changes

T.
Ah crap.
The s.o.b. has a live in...i honestly don't know what to call her.
He says it started out as her needing a place to stay.
He said it seemed like a good idea at the time. They sleep together.
But, here is the best part. He's not happy.
Why.
i don't know.
i am pissed.
i like this guy.
Looked forward to getting to know more.
Funny.
Smart.
Cute.
Alpha.
Talented.
What the fuck.

Playdate

"Get your toys."

i knew i was in for it.
W/we haven't played for a while.
Life, kids, family gets in the way.

Clamps.
Inflatable butt plug.
Pussy pump.
Pussy beads.

One at a time.

The plug gets lubed up and pushed in first.
Then the beads. One at a time.
i am very tight, so it takes a lot to get five large beads inside me.
6 pumps to start.

"Put on the clamps."

Now.
i hate nipple clamps.
i try and focus on him. My cunt.
But it's hard.
i put them on.
Oh. Did i mention they have a weight on them?
Great.

i pinch my nipples and put the clamps on.

i follow all of his commands.
Pumped the plug up to 11.
Next i put the pussy pump on.
Made my lips and clit all puffy.

i begged.
For more.
For relief.
For him to stop.

He made me cum 5 times.
That may not sound like a lot.
For me it is.

Two hours.
i am covered in sweat, tears (good and bad ones) and my cum.
The only thing better would be to be covered in his cum.

Craving

i am not normal.
Never claimed to be.
i crave many things right now.
Salty. Mmm potato chips.
Sweet. Chocolate (Hello pms)
Pleasure.
Pain.

i am experiencing the pain right now.

One of my new toys.
i dislike.
Well.
Maybe.

"Put in the inflatable plug and pump it until you can't take anymore. Then pump it one more time."

Yes Sir.

So. Here i type. Full beyond belief. Close to tears.
i have to shower with this in.
i should have showered first, blogged second.
Never claimed to be brilliant either.

Oh. And, yeah. i dislike. At least right now.