Craving

i crave many things right now.
Pizza.
Baseball...damn rain.
Being filled, pounded, used, spanked over the arm of the couch i am currently sitting on.
Beer.
Damn. i'm going to be 0 for 4 tonight.
Unless i take it upon myself to feel...filled.
i wonder if i can work around the whole permission thing.
Hmmm.

Feelings

Today i am needy, lonely and annoyed that i feel so needy and lonely.
Before discovering my submissive nature, yes discoverd...i was raised to know, think and speak my mind, very independant...still am.
Expcet now i answer to Him.
When i was needy before, i took care of myself.
If i was lonely before, i went out, to find friends, do somthing to relieve that feeling.
Except now i have Him.
He happens to be on a business trip.
He isn't answering his email.

Great. Now i am even more annoyed.

Pain

There are may kinds of pain.
Physical, emotional, mental, sexual...erotic.
i am currently annoyed because i am in physical pain.
A tooth ache.
With no dental insurance.
This sucks...and not in the good way.

Hello, Welcome!!!

i am new to having a blog. Still finding my way.
In fact, i just discovered the Stats link...It says i have had visitors, readers...people!!!
Hi!! (insert excited wave here)
Please, leave a comment.
Say hello.
i love making new friends.
i can't promise earth shattering, life changing words, but i will do my best to entertain, make ya laugh, maybe cry, maybe think...i will never be politically correct, and will get sexual from time to time. If you are easily insulted, or take things too seriously, you may want to click away and never return.
Thoes of you who are left, WELCOME, it's nice to meet you!

Weekend

What a great weekend.
Spent time with family yesterday.
A quick im with Him. That left me all warm and fuzzy.
And today....Ahhhh, an almost perfect Fall Sunday.
(i say almost because i'd rather spend it with Him, but alas..)
Anyway, it has been an almost perfect sports day. Almost because two of my teams are still playing.
So far, favorites have won, hateds have lost.
Good sports day.

Mind Changes?

When my curiousity about BDSM started i did research. A lot of research. Google is a wonderful, yet scary thing. Plug in a key word and Whoomp...information...a whole wide spectrum of info.
Sites, blogs, groups...information from different sources and people.
Many of the blogs i still read today. One of them (along with numerous mentions from Him to journal) was inspiration for starting my own blog.
Now many of the blogs i found on my first Google search are gone. Some with no warning, just a link that says removed or blog no longer exists. Many leave good bye notes. Thank you for caring, my journey and path has changed.
i wish all well, of course.
But wonder now, over a year since i googled, researched my inital feelings...What changed for them.
Why now.
Knowing my own mind, my own needs, my own heart...i am entwined in this. It is not a whim, it is not a game. It is a way of life. One i love.
But could it change? Just like that? It did for them.
Something else to Google?
i wonder what the key words would be.

Words

Words can do so many things.
Make us smile, cry, hurt, heal...
His words made me glow. His words soar. His words made me cry (in the good way).
His words made my day.

Permission

i miss Him.
Buuuuuttttttt i have one of the next best things...His permission.
Given with the task of journaling 110% of everything i do.
i'm giddy.
i will also be going now.
Enjoy your nights friends...i will!!

Enough?

I love any contact I have with Him.
Emails. Few phone calls. Some cam time. Few same room hours.
On his time. On his whim.
I take what I get. Love and enjoy every second.
But I need more.
I became interested in D/s for the contact. The control. The need to be under someone's hand, on my knees. Used. Commanded. Needed.
I want...require...the teather to that one person. Trust completely, openly. Constantly. Consistantly.
I love Him. Very much. But is so little enough?

A Decade

It really doesn't feel that long.

God Bless America.
God Bless our service men and woman.
God Bless and keep the souls lost this day 10 years ago.
Thought about and missed every day.
There is a hole in my heart, a hole in my skyline.
To all brave souls, their families...Thank you and God Bless you all.
9/11 NEVER FORGET.

Wonderful Surprise

Was pleased to see an im on Google+ from my Man this evening.
He's wonderful. He's also very busy. I understand this. But get frustrated when I don't hear from him. We are in a D/s relationship. The basis is the s gets D...we haven't perfected it yet. i need more, but am patient with his job and family commitments.
Tonight meant a lot to me.
i saw my Man via web cam. He commanded me, He dominated me. He made me happy.
Going to sleep now, achey, pleasured, and happy.

Oh. I will get more graphic as i get more comfortable with this blogging thing.
Sleep sweet! I know i will!